Sexuality is more than genitals, intercourse and orgasm – much, much more. It is an energy and part of life force – therefore not a physical activity, but connected to spirituality, creativity, joy and love. All these qualities are contained in each of us and we need only access to them. If someone tells me they don’t feel sexual, I know something is blocked and can clear the block with enough motivation and a little energy.
By understanding that sex is probably one of the most myth-ridden aspects of society, and then being open to some new ideas about it. It will immediately make a positive difference. Sex is the most natural thing in the world, and yet can be very complex. When you love someone, you automatically want to make love if you are ‘normal’, right? Sure, in a romantic sense, but not if you’ve suffered sexual trauma in the past. Have issues with your own body, or you’ve been oppressed by your upbringing. We are not machines.
Great sex stimulation
Sex can be a natural act, but there are emotional complications. Hang-ups caused by the last, fears and insecurities about our bodies, whether we are good enough, and so on. All of which can destroy the natural flow of our sexual energy . Some people are completely shut off from their sexuality- the rest of us want it sometimes and other times we don’t. It’s not whether you have sex or not that matters, it’s that you make that choice.
If you have sex, but you are not enjoying it because you see it as expected or necessary, then it is unhealthy. Sexual boundaries are just as important as the other boundaries in life. I remember a counseling client telling me that sex was her “last chord of the day.” How sad that one of life’s greatest pleasures has to be seen this way.
Repression is the only sexual sin against oneself. If you’re in a relationship enjoying regular sex, or you’re single and having casual sex, or if you’re celibate but have found creative ways to sublimate- that’s all fine. But if the lack of sex represents a deprivation or you have shut down your natural sexual energies, it is not good. Try to find the source of the blockage and release it.
Tantra sensual sex tip
Tantra (Eastern concept of sexuality which is linked to spirituality) is a useful tool for this because it de-emphasizes genital contact, intercourse and orgasm, focusing instead on touch, sensuality and breathing technique.
It is an excellent way to center yourself and get back in touch with your life force and energy flow. If you are comfortable with your own body, you need to be more comfortable sharing sexual experiences with your partner. Feel good about yourself and let your sexuality be part of your life, not separate from it. Don’t delegate responsibility for your pleasure to others.
You are responsible for, and as long as you are, you can never go wrong. So educate, let go, have clear boundaries, love yourself and get in touch with your center – these are the secrets of good sex. Sad to say, there is a lot of ignorance in our society about sex. Sure, we all talk about it and make jokes, but it’s an area of life surrounded by myths.
I was so happy when I was asked to do a sex advice radio show. A few years back because it gave me the opportunity to bring out of the closet all the taboo subjects that people still, in the 21st century, feel uncomfortable talking about. The question I was asked the most in those 2 years was – “is this normal? “This could be oral sex, masturbation, fetish, fantasy, whatever. I encouraged callers to ask anything and everything on their heads, but the over-riding reactions were fear and guilt.
This is a carryover of Victorian standards that no longer apply today. We can still be a value-based society while embracing sexuality, sensuality, pleasure, even hedonism. There is nothing to be ashamed of between consenting adults.
Good sex drive
Just talking about sex Literally, is offensive to some, but I really believe that the more open we are to the intimate side of life. The less intimidated we have to be about our bodies. Enjoying sex with ourselves or a partner and explore some of the more forbidden areas of sexual pleasure. My philosophy is always try everything once and if you don’t enjoy it. You don’t have to do it again, but don’t close your mind to the novel and different. Sexuality is sensation and sensuality, connection and physical awareness all rolled into one.
When we do not feel sexual or participate in sexual activity as such, we are nevertheless fully in that flow at all times. Intercourse, for example, is only one way of expressing this energy. Just a tool to express that we may or may not choose to employ. The Western view of sex is extremely limited, and even crude. Sex is about communication, intimacy and connection, which can be achieved without any physical contact at all. What we mistake for sex is, in the main, desire. There’s nothing wrong with lust – it’s fun, but it’s not the whole story.
Better in bed
We cheat ourselves if we choose only this manifestation of sexual energy. When I teach my Singles classes, the topic of sex comes up often as a source of lack. Apart from suggesting that focusing on the lack only creates more and certainly a heightened perception of it. I also advise sublimation, which is quite different from suppression. Repression of any kind creates negative energy, leading to deep dissatisfaction and even physical illness.
Using sexual energy in other ways during periods of abstinence from physical forms of sex is not only healthy, but also desirable. Sexual energy can be sublimated into creativity, as an excellent example. Communicating with nature, loving animals that have satisfying work and perceiving art and beauty. Intimate relationships of every kind – these are all, not bad substitutes, but conduits for the release of sexual energy.
Those who cannot in a sexual relationship express libido by self-pleasuring or sublimation. Those in partnerships can increase and improve relationships with tantric practice or simply allow the addition of a spiritual component to their lovemaking. The whole secret to fully explore our sexual energy. Is to think more openly about what it means not to be limited by labels and societal pressures. For example, about what passes for beautiful.
Sex life and Self-esteem
Very large women often feel `unsexy’, when in fact, this organ function is completely irrelevant to the sexual feeling radiating from within. Look at beautiful belly dancers who feel the rhythm of the music and sway their bodies to the rhythm of their inner drum. It is precisely that energy that can be brought into the bedroom, with or without a partner.
Support for the release of sexual energy is music, touch, oils, laughter, massage, but most of all, joy, love and a positive attitude. Employ and embrace all of these so that Sex can become a holistic experience rather than a brief burst of satisfaction.
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Vogue Health Team